last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
