Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
