i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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