we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
