Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize