someone threw a dead crab at me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
