So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
