We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
