Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
