I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
