But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm gonna have a badass scar
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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