dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
