Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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