he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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