I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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