I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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