Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
