And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
