fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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