Kiss
Puke
I've blown a few things in my day
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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