A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
