READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
