I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
