How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
