Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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