Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize