my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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