I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
