Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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