I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
