youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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