I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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