I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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