Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
