spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
