Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
