One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
