I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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