Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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