Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
