Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
