You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
where are my eyebrows?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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