Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
