Cold hands, warm shart.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
