Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
