Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
