The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
