Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
