I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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