Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
