why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Green mimosas i think yes
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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