Tell her she can't have a vagina
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So many bounce houses so little time
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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