I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
