remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
