Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ladies don't puke and tell
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
