when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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