She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
