Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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