at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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