it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i think we sleep fucked last night...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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