So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The Olympian is in my bed
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
