Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
