my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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