Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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