I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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