Can Purell be used as lube?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
