FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
