then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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