My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
