some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
