Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
