It's Friday. Sex?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
