Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
