I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
