Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
