but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
