Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
