when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
