Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
